Flowers in her hair.

She was a schoolgirl
and when she closed her eyes
she had fantasies
and when she woke up
she was laying in the grass
and there was a flower in her hair
and happiness in her soul
and she never thought about how life would be

She was a teenager
and when she closed her eyes
she had dreams
and when she woke up
she was laying in her partner’s bed
and there was a hand linked to hers
and love in her heart
and she thought about the present

She was a bride
and when she closed her eyes
she had flashbacks
and when she woke up
she was laying in lingerie
and there was a ring on her finger
and hope in her mind
and she thought about the future

She was a mrs
and when she closed her eyes
she had nightmares
and when she woke up
she was laying on the bathroom floor
and there was a bruise on her face
And fear in her eyes
and she thought about the past

An original poem written by me. (Victoria Folino)

its insane because for one i havent posted a blog in forever, it feels good to look back on my old ones finally, and two, so much has changed in the past year. i remember a time where i almost had to go to a rehab for having so many constant suicide thoughts. my family and friends were constantly afraid id do something stupid and my depression showed on my face every day. honestly i was horribly depressed until “charles” came around. god i loved him so much. its a shame that he has such a distorted perception of love. but i guess im just a hopeless romantic and i so easily believed all the sweet lies that came out of his mouth. he actually turned out to be a alot like “Joseph”. i dont know why i pick these kind of guys. but the only difference is Joseph cheated, Charles didnt unless you consider him telling another girl he loves her at the same time he was dating me, cheating. but charles is worse because he took things from me. i gave him everything. joseph never would have ruined an innocent girl. ever. and for that i complete forgive joseph. he did respect me so much more than charles. i do think that at some point charles did love me. actually truly love me. but it must not have lasted long. it was a fun period of time with alot of arguments, passion, love, parties, firsts, and lasts. its sad its over but i do think there are better things around the bend. as long as i can bring myself to move on.

I’ve talked about this to one of my friends before, but, i hate it when boys tell me how i look. for example: your so pretty, hey georgous, hi beautiful, ur such a cutie.

i know this is probably so backwards, but: shut the hell up!

i hate sweet stuff like that! i hate it so much. i like boys who are crazy, somewhat mean if that makes any sense.

for example: the one guy i really liked never told me i was pretty, never said “cute” things like: i wish i was there to cheer you up. thats the reason i liked him so much, because he never go mushy. ofcoarse he showed me he liked me but he didnt have to say stuff like that.

i hate mushy stuff. i like “bad boy” kinda guys. ones who wont be nice to me but instead be mean. they dont really be mean but its not all crappy mushy stuff either.

i always said: girls who know they are pretty dont need to be told constantly. its annoying.

insecure girls who think they arent pretty like boys who constantly tell them compliments. they might need it.

in conclusion: when a guy tells me im pretty, i wanna punch him in the face.

a guy who acts like my best friend and somewhat ignores me and messes with me to make me mad, i wanna rip his clothes off. (:

so dont tell me im pretty stupid boy. your annoying.

i hate you so much right now. and i dont really mean HATE. thats a strong word, but i am so hurt by you and everyone that i cant handle it anymore. i always do this to myself too. ALWAYS trick myself into things that were never supposed to be anything. i never meant to fall for you. or any other boy i ever fell for as a matter of fact. its always the boys i promise i wont fall for. and i get so hurt. you ignored me like im an annoying alarm clock or something. and now i feel like i am just an annoyance. and this is horrible but for every boy that hurts me, i feel the need to become worse: worse morals, care less, believe in love less, give up more, drink more, more of a need to do drugs. i hate it but at the same time it fixes the pain. maybe just covers it up. but either way it helps. im going to prove you wrong, im gonna be something so much better. u just gave the WRONG girl a slap in the face. you have no effing idea. i am so sick of constantly being hurt, just wait. JUST WAIT!

maybe people are tired. tired of you saying the same things all the time. we all know the things we say will never get done… like YOU need time to fix yourslef, get real, your not going to

i CLAIM im going to loose weight and have the body i want… i love to have hope that i’ll do it, but honestly, will i? NO! PROBABLY NEVER!

YOU wanna make for friends, JOIN THE CLUB! dont you think we all would like to have a group of friends that revolves around you? but you never will. because if dont already, like myself, you just arent meant to. either you have always had it or you will never. its like the people who just get it, you either get life, or you dont, you cannot ever learn to get life. 

youre either born to or not.

and you can never change that..

but maybe you should stop being all high and mighty about yourself. noone wants to be you. because they can read it all over you. your lonely and ur like a puzzle with a missing piece. and you can TRY to fake it all you want. but its not working, nor will it ever work

so give up. let ur guard down, and just let go and enjoy the moment and stop trying to make the moment some vision you expect it to be. because it wont be. so give up.

(not about anyone specific at all, just about every frickin person ever!)

when sasha baron cohen dumped the ashes on ryan seacrest, that made my life complete. if ryan’s mad or offended, he needs to learn to take a joke. i would have loved that if i were him. sasha baron cohen is a genius. <3

sometimes i wish people knew how much i wanted to die.

it would be easier.

i wish i just had the courage to end it all.

so i just wanted to talk about what a frickin great day today was for no reason at all

had starbucks twice

ate mcdonals

drove an hour away to pick up natalia’s friend

me and leanne were beyond HYPER

ranted about bricks for a good hour

we all peed on the side of the road

followed by our car getting chased by a dog

then went to get Alexis-Margret from work

saw some old friends like one that works at shop and save

he told a group of old ladies we were dating

(the usual mcd’s old ladies)

then joeseph came into mcd’s -second time i saw him this week-

(rolls eye)….. again

went over well though

we left quickly.

but it was just such a fun day and that wasnt even supposed to be the fun day of my weekend

cannot wait until tomorrow (saturday)

natalia’s friends bday so we r going to party at natalia’s

and its brother’s fiance’s bridal shower.

bunch of plans slut.

that saying is exactly what i experienced today.

ran into you today (1/22/12) , im really not sure if we do speak the same language

and GOSH was that awkward, haha

funnish now

only bc i kinda have to let it be

gave me major anxiety: it was bad :/

but thats only because it scares me how there is such a loss of words between us when there used to not be one moment of silence.

mac millers song lyrics : “We run into each other and it’s like we don’t even speak the same language 

I guess people always going through changes ”

thats exactly how i felt in that moment. down to a T.

oh darling, how things change, its so crazy.