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Victoria. Lynn.
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this year, my goal is to look back at the person i was in 2013 and say “wow i grew so much from then..” usually when i look back at how much I’ve grown from year to year, i never wanna go back to how i was before. I want to never want to go back to 2013..

my life right now..

if someone asked me how i feel about life right now,

id probably say that i think i figured out a lot of vidal life knowledge in the past few months

id say that i love the people i surrounded my life with

and id say that i know the people i surrounded myself with actualy apreciate me being a part of their lives too

which is something i lacked with my old group of friends..

not that i have a whole new group, just some old ones arent around and some new ones are

id say that i figured out not what i want IN life

… but what i want to get OUT of life

(theres a huge difference)

id say that i think ive affected a lot of people

and a lot of people affected me

a lot of people made me grow to who i am

im the closest with my brothers than ive ever been in my life

im the happiest ive been in my entire life

im probably the most confident that I’ve been in years

i think ive proved myself to the people that matter

and the only person i need to prove myself to, is myself

my life is the most simplistic its ever been

and i have no regrets

none at all

i learned to live for NOW

not the PAST

and look towards the FUTURE

without loosing site of the PRESENT

i learned alot from each of my brothers

A LOT!

and i dont think they even tried to influence me, it just happened

ronnie taught me to worry about what you do now that will affect later

and he also taught me about life balace

balance friends, with love, with work, with fun, with responsibility, with spontaneousness

he also showed me that falling in love with someone doesnt have to be temporary..

i always say: i want a relationship like ronnie and laurens

and thats the kind of marriage i pray to have one day

ronnie also taught me that just because things werent originally one way, doesnt mean they cant ever be that way

like just because ronnie never got to be KIDS with me and my brothers (because of the age gap) doesnt mean there isnt a time in life for us to all be in the same place

we all get to be adults together

just because there was space between us then, doesnt mean we should keep space now

and every day, we grow closer and closer

matt… oh matt, he taught me so much

probably the most

he taught me to not be decieved by everything society is doing

just because EVRYBODY is doing it, doesnt mean you shouldnt question it

and you should question EVERYTHING

and theres always more to learn

and life goes on

but it also ends… he taught me to live for now

and experience, stretch your mind, and never loose a sense of WONDER

he taught me how to think deeper into things

he taught me that tradition isnt always right

and he taught me that when you realize how life works, its scary, and its scary to realize that one day you’ll grow up, grow old and die, so thats why we LIVE FOR NOW.

because there is NO guarantee of a LATER

one quote that will always remind me of matt is:

"Once you open your mind to new experiences, it can never go back to its old dimensions"

and finally, brad..

he taught me to love every moment of life,

because he truely does

brad walks in a room and in 2 seconds, everyones cracking up

brad taught me to live life with laughter and love

hes so full of love,

and i think thats why he has so many friends

and he taught me that you dont run out of love to give out

theres always more

its infinite

and he taught me to forgive and forget because lifes too short

I wouldnt trade the world for the moments that i got to share with these boys and the years that we got to live in the same house together,

because things like these only happen once..

someday we are going to grow up and all have seperate houses,

and we wont play Black Ops 2 together, and get yelled at by mom and dad because we’re being too loud and its a school night for brad

or watch dragon ball z episodes from years ago

and post our newest health crazes on OUR kitchen fridge

or late at night watch documentaries until we pass out… always more to learn

and someday, i wont be walking into my house to my mom and dad and say

"where are the boys at?"

but when i look back years from now at this post, i just want to realize that in the moment

i actually apreciated all the little things

and all the little moments

and dont be sad later when theyre gone

just live for the moments that are present

because THAT is what lifes about.

capturing my current mind set on life, threw words

<3 Victoria Lynn Folino

Flowers in her hair.

She was a schoolgirl
and when she closed her eyes
she had fantasies
and when she woke up
she was laying in the grass
and there was a flower in her hair
and happiness in her soul
and she never thought about how life would be

She was a teenager
and when she closed her eyes
she had dreams
and when she woke up
she was laying in her partner’s bed
and there was a hand linked to hers
and love in her heart
and she thought about the present

She was a bride
and when she closed her eyes
she had flashbacks
and when she woke up
she was laying in lingerie
and there was a ring on her finger
and hope in her mind
and she thought about the future

She was a mrs
and when she closed her eyes
she had nightmares
and when she woke up
she was laying on the bathroom floor
and there was a bruise on her face
And fear in her eyes
and she thought about the past

An original poem written by me. (Victoria Folino)

its insane because for one i havent posted a blog in forever, it feels good to look back on my old ones finally, and two, so much has changed in the past year. i remember a time where i almost had to go to a rehab for having so many constant suicide thoughts. my family and friends were constantly afraid id do something stupid and my depression showed on my face every day. honestly i was horribly depressed until “charles” came around. god i loved him so much. its a shame that he has such a distorted perception of love. but i guess im just a hopeless romantic and i so easily believed all the sweet lies that came out of his mouth. he actually turned out to be a alot like “Joseph”. i dont know why i pick these kind of guys. but the only difference is Joseph cheated, Charles didnt unless you consider him telling another girl he loves her at the same time he was dating me, cheating. but charles is worse because he took things from me. i gave him everything. joseph never would have ruined an innocent girl. ever. and for that i complete forgive joseph. he did respect me so much more than charles. i do think that at some point charles did love me. actually truly love me. but it must not have lasted long. it was a fun period of time with alot of arguments, passion, love, parties, firsts, and lasts. its sad its over but i do think there are better things around the bend. as long as i can bring myself to move on.

escape yourself.: The Necklace. →

escape-y0urself:

(so me and my friend bought these matching necklaces about a year ago. they look like unicorn horns but they are black so we call them evil unicorn horns. as soon as we bought them they became known to us as a symbol of everything that is so great to us that it is unexplainable. this is the list…

I’ve talked about this to one of my friends before, but, i hate it when boys tell me how i look. for example: your so pretty, hey georgous, hi beautiful, ur such a cutie.

i know this is probably so backwards, but: shut the hell up!

i hate sweet stuff like that! i hate it so much. i like boys who are crazy, somewhat mean if that makes any sense.

for example: the one guy i really liked never told me i was pretty, never said “cute” things like: i wish i was there to cheer you up. thats the reason i liked him so much, because he never go mushy. ofcoarse he showed me he liked me but he didnt have to say stuff like that.

i hate mushy stuff. i like “bad boy” kinda guys. ones who wont be nice to me but instead be mean. they dont really be mean but its not all crappy mushy stuff either.

i always said: girls who know they are pretty dont need to be told constantly. its annoying.

insecure girls who think they arent pretty like boys who constantly tell them compliments. they might need it.

in conclusion: when a guy tells me im pretty, i wanna punch him in the face.

a guy who acts like my best friend and somewhat ignores me and messes with me to make me mad, i wanna rip his clothes off. (:

so dont tell me im pretty stupid boy. your annoying.

i don’t support war at all. i think it’s most backwards idea in the world. just saying.

PS. IM HALF STARVING MYSELF BECAUSE I AM SICK OF THINGS NOT BEING HOW I WANT THEM. I WANNA BE SKINNY SO I WILL FORCE IT TO HAPPEN. I NO LONGER GIVE A FLYING F*CK!

i hate you so much right now. and i dont really mean HATE. thats a strong word, but i am so hurt by you and everyone that i cant handle it anymore. i always do this to myself too. ALWAYS trick myself into things that were never supposed to be anything. i never meant to fall for you. or any other boy i ever fell for as a matter of fact. its always the boys i promise i wont fall for. and i get so hurt. you ignored me like im an annoying alarm clock or something. and now i feel like i am just an annoyance. and this is horrible but for every boy that hurts me, i feel the need to become worse: worse morals, care less, believe in love less, give up more, drink more, more of a need to do drugs. i hate it but at the same time it fixes the pain. maybe just covers it up. but either way it helps. im going to prove you wrong, im gonna be something so much better. u just gave the WRONG girl a slap in the face. you have no effing idea. i am so sick of constantly being hurt, just wait. JUST WAIT!

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!

maybe people are tired. tired of you saying the same things all the time. we all know the things we say will never get done… like YOU need time to fix yourslef, get real, your not going to

i CLAIM im going to loose weight and have the body i want… i love to have hope that i’ll do it, but honestly, will i? NO! PROBABLY NEVER!

YOU wanna make for friends, JOIN THE CLUB! dont you think we all would like to have a group of friends that revolves around you? but you never will. because if dont already, like myself, you just arent meant to. either you have always had it or you will never. its like the people who just get it, you either get life, or you dont, you cannot ever learn to get life. 

youre either born to or not.

and you can never change that..

but maybe you should stop being all high and mighty about yourself. noone wants to be you. because they can read it all over you. your lonely and ur like a puzzle with a missing piece. and you can TRY to fake it all you want. but its not working, nor will it ever work

so give up. let ur guard down, and just let go and enjoy the moment and stop trying to make the moment some vision you expect it to be. because it wont be. so give up.

(not about anyone specific at all, just about every frickin person ever!)

when sasha baron cohen dumped the ashes on ryan seacrest, that made my life complete. if ryan’s mad or offended, he needs to learn to take a joke. i would have loved that if i were him. sasha baron cohen is a genius. <3

Cannot believe i just kissed him.. i don’t know what i was thinking.

sometimes i wish people knew how much i wanted to die.

it would be easier.

i wish i just had the courage to end it all.

ahhh why do i find my brothers friends attractive. this is at an all time low now.

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